Miss Hillary's Other Job
Imagine, if you can, having to go to work every day at a job that you HATE. Imagine that this job keeps you from doing the only thing you love in life. Now on top of all that, imagine that at this job, you are in fear for your life every day. You go into work not knowing if nothing will happen, or if you'll end up in the hospital or worse. And you are alone with over 30 people bigger and stronger than you, and you wonder which one of them might want to do you in.
That is what substitute teaching is to me. Every. Single. Day. I chose it after being a 'regular' school teacher, as the schedule works well with dancing- I don't have to grade homework or make lesson plans anymore. I didn't know then that substitutes are more likely to be attacked.
The only thing that got me through to obtaining my Education degree in college was my desire to open a ballet school. Which proves how much I really, REALLY love dance. I nearly had myself killed for it.
My first day as a student teacher I was attacked. But that wasn't the worst part of that day. It was hearing that the attack was my fault. If I had been more likeable, or my lesson had been about a more interesting subject the boy wouldn't have done what he did.
What he did was try to bludgeon me through the head.
All the fights I'd broken up, all the kids with guns and weapons and very real threats they all blend together. Except for that 80 student riot in my high school classroom when I was subbing English. That stands out.
During the riot, I put up a facade of extreme boredom, as if I couldn't be bothered. Never appearing upset is vital.It kept me safe, for a while, as the crazy students didn't think I was afraid of them. Eventually I let aggravation show. But never, ever fear.
The fear dissipates after I'm in the school for a while- usually. Unless something happens in the class. Otherwise I'm just aggravated and appalled by student's behavior. It passes the time.
I don't know if I blocked out other attacks, but something in my gut says oh yes, yes indeed. However, one is enough. One is more than enough. And it wasn't that bad, compared to what happens to other teachers. And how HORRIBLE is that? Comparing student attacks? What planet is this? When I was in school, you wouldn't have DARED to even say the word no to your teacher, let alone....
The first attack, all my superiors telling me it was my fault,realizing that I could not report any other attacks because it would make ME look bad....the sheer insanity and danger of it all has taken it's toll. Even going into a good school in the suburbs now I am afraid.
All these years I was thinking I was just being a sissy, and it's my own fault for being afraid, and it's my own fault if the kids act up and-
None of that is true.
One of the many reasons teaching dance is better than teaching school: I never have to worry that my students are going to kill me. Or even curse me out or be rude. Because I'm able to not tolerate it. I have the power to kick kids out and discipline them, something even a regular teacher at a school isn't allowed to do. Last time I checked detentions were found to be 'demoralizing'. The sad thing is ALL the school teachers know exactly what needs to be done in the schools and classrooms to keep this atrocious behavior from occurring- they're just not allowed to do it. I loved having my hands tied as a teacher. Oh wait, no I didn't. One of the reasons I left.
